Sonequa Martin-Green: A My Dead Friend Zoe Exclusive

My Dead Friend Zoe, a darkly comedic drama that won the Audience Award at its SXSW premiere in March 2024, introduces us to Merit (Sonequa Martin-Green), a veteran navigating the complexities of grief and family. Caught between the comfort of her memories of her deceased Army friend, Zoe (Natalie Morales), and the challenges of reconnecting with her estranged family, including her grandfather (Ed Harris), Merit’s journey is both humorous and heart-wrenching.

Martin-Green spoke with Taji Mag about her transformative role, discussing the film’s exploration of faith, mental health, the realities of veteran life and PTSD, and the power of human connection.

Dapper Dr. Feel: When you first got your hands on the script, what was your initial reaction?

Sonequa Martin-Green: I knew I was going to do this before I even fully read the script. Kyle Hausmann-Stokes, the writer and director, wrote me a letter, and I jumped at the opportunity. I was honored to do it because he wants to save lives with this film. So I came on board, and then I saw the short, and then I read the script. It’s the kind of work that I’m honored to do. It’s a dream.

DDF: What was it about Merit that really grabbed you? What resonated with you most deeply about her?

SMG: Knowing that this was someone’s real story, Kyle’s story, really resonated with me. I have my own experience with grief, survivor’s remorse, guilt, and shame. I know a lot of us do. That’s why this story is for everybody. It’s not just for veterans. It’s for anyone who has struggled with these things or who knows someone who has. I was really moved by Kyle wanting to bring his story to light to help, and to have a Black woman tell his story was inspiring to me too. And surprising. Quite shocking, actually. But I have so much respect for him for that because he really opened himself up. I really love this woman’s journey from survivor’s remorse to forgiveness and freedom. In my experience, shame, guilt, and survivor’s remorse are connected to unforgiveness. And I love that it is forgiveness that ultimately sets her free, or at least sets her on her path to freedom and healing. Being able to play a soldier and a veteran was really compelling to me too. I have a lot of respect for people who put their lives on the line for others.

DDF: The beautiful thing I like about this film is that you really pay attention to the story and not hyper-focused on the gender or race of the characters.  I think I read in the press notes that Kyle didn’t want to take away from that. Do you think he accomplished that? And how does that make you feel about it?

SMG: It is this unconventional family. You have this white man, Dale, who marries this Black woman and has a biracial daughter who then marries a Black man. So you have this Black woman with this white grandfather. That’s one of the things that’s quite unpredictable about this film. And that sets it apart because there is the generational divide regarding their military service, and then they also have that ethnic divide too. But what I love about it is that it doesn’t need to be talked about. It just is. And I appreciate that because it speaks volumes just by being there. You have Merit’s perspective, but then, interestingly enough, you have this Latina woman who feels like she has it worse than this Black woman. So then there’s a little bit of push and pull with that. I think we touch on a lot of things, but we don’t do it with a heavy hand. So I think that it’s able to not feel like we’re trying to stuff a bunch of stuff in. It’s just these people’s lives. It’s just the way their lives look. I appreciate that about it.

DDF: I’m interested in how you approached the relationship with Zoe. It feels so much about friendship, beyond any gender considerations. How did you and Natalie Morales build that on-screen chemistry? It seems like you guys were friends off-screen.

SMG: We very much are friends off-screen. I praise the Lord for everybody that was involved with this because what a stellar cast and crew! Natalie…man, it was so easy with her. We saw each other, and we loved each other. And that was that. It was like, “All right, well, this is going to be easy.” And it was. She’s so brilliant and such a joy to be around and witness. I love the way she creates, I love her choices. She’s such a practitioner, and I learned so much from her. 

She also made me feel so safe, seen, and loved. We were able to go to the deepest, darkest, farthest places together because of that. I’m so grateful for that because it doesn’t have to be that way. Sometimes chemistry is manufactured, and sometimes it’s built over time, but with her and me, it was instant and easy.

DDF: What did you learn from this film?

SMG: I have a very particular relationship with forgiveness because my entire faith is built on it. I feel that this life of freedom that I have access to through Christ is only because of forgiveness. 

Seeing it play out in this way, seeing this woman finally forgive herself and then be able to let go of the guilt and shame that she had carried for so long…it really impacted me. I even remember talking to Kyle the day that we did the big moment in the cemetery, the climactic moment. I asked him if he had had that same cathartic release. He couldn’t remember an exact moment like that, but he said, “I think it might be right now. I think it might be from this moment, from bringing this moment to life.” That was huge for me. So it was affirming in that way. I saw yet another example of love leading to forgiveness, leading to freedom. I also learned how to listen better. 

Even though the story is for everybody, it’s a specific story for veterans, but it’s universal. So many people are carrying around this kind of pain. I learned from the veterans who opened up and talked to me, like Kyle and some of the other actors who are veterans. They told me how people don’t really listen. They’ll ask questions, but they don’t really listen to the answer. They sort of glaze over and disengage. 

If we want veterans and other people who are hurting to start talking, we have to also start listening better. It’s uncomfortable. It hurts, but sit in the hurt and the discomfort with this person. Especially if we’re talking about a veteran, it’s like you owe them that at least, to just sit in it with them, ask them questions. Kyle said something he’s said quite a bit, and I love it. He said, “Call up a veteran in your life and take them to lunch and ask them, like, ‘Tell me something sad, tell me something funny, and tell me how you felt during those two times.'” I love that it’s an invitation. I think that we can do that for other people as well who haven’t served, who are in pain. But we have to start listening. We have to start listening better and listening more as well.

DDF: You’re answering all my questions! (laughs)

SMG: (laughs)

DDF: Last question: What historical figure would you like to portray on screen?

SMG: Angela Davis.

DDF: I just interviewed her, so yeah, that would be a good one.

SMG: Yeah, I would love that. Oh, I love her for so many reasons. That would be lovely.

My Dead Friend Zoe offers no easy answers, but it asks the important questions. It shines a light on the challenges faced by veterans returning home, the importance of mental health awareness, and the power of human connection to heal even the deepest wounds. Check it out in theaters on February 28th.