Can we discuss the dynamics that cause women to verbally destroy other women simply for being human? Can we PLEASE talk about how women came out of the woodwork to laugh at and drag Cardi B. for doing what was right for her!! Come on, let’s unpack this.
The level of cattiness surrounding Cardi’s decision to divorce her husband was damn near unparalleled. She gave her heart to a man she loved. He cheated and she gave him another chance. When he proved to be unable to keep it in his pants, Cardi chose her peace of mind and that of her child’s by walking away. So, why did women across the country rise up to vilify her? Why the disdain? Why, oh why all the judgments? “If she had cooked and cleaned he wouldn’t have cheated. If she was a better wife and not a former stripper he would have stayed home. If she would have xyz then he wouldn’t need to cheat”
WHY Y’ALL?? Well, let me offer a few reasons why so many fangs came out in defense of the cheater and not the victim. Could it be that women saw in Cardi what they themselves wish they had? Could it be that the truth Cardi spoke contradicted the lies these women lived? I wanted to take each woman, sit her down and ask “Sis, who hurt you?” because that type of vitriol is borne out of pain.
It’s extremely difficult for women to see themselves in another woman’s situation when that woman chooses peace and they have not. It’s easier to place blame than it is to heal their pain. It’s easier to claim they found a way to keep their man from cheating than it is for them to face their own mans infidelity. But you know, people in glass houses…right?
Make no mistake, the women screaming “you should’ve done this and that” are the same ones who go through their mans’ phone while he’s asleep or in the shower. They are the same ones finding their man sent dick pics to random chicks. They are the same ones sitting home mad asf because he supposedly had to work late but he’s not answering his office phone. They are the same ones popping up on his job to make sure he’s actually there. They are the same ones stressing because yet another chick called her saying she’s pregnant by her man.
When Cardi said “no more” and filed for divorce, she triggered thousands of women who secretly wish they had the courage to do the same. Thousands of women who are stuck in the turmoil of their man saying he loves them yet cheats every chance he gets. Blaming the victim for being victimized is a trauma response Sis. Spitting hatred at the one who’s hurting is a trauma response Sis. Blaming another woman for a man’s ashy behavior is misogynistic Sis!!
How did women get here? How did women forget that sisters need each other? How did women forget that Sisterhood is powerful? How did women end up equating being in a relationship with societal validation? How did women get to the place where they believe struggle love is preferred over affirming relationships? How do women end up choosing drama and chaos over peace? I’ll tell you how; years upon years of unhealed pain. Years upon years of unrecognized and internalized trauma has caused women to turn on their sisters when they need each other the most. However, until they face what’s truly going on in their lives they will continue to project their issues onto others continuing the cycle.
What did Shakespeare write? “The lady doth protest too much, methinks”…yeah, that part.