All posts by Shallah Cotto

About Shallah Cotto

First name, Shallah. Middle name, Tiara. Im a Brooklyn Girl, born and raised. I've spent time in other places, but Brooklyn, above anywhere else, is home. 23 years young, and I've seen, been through, and been involved in more than you can imagine. I've visited quite a few dark spaces. Right before creating my blog, for example, I tried to take my own life. After recovery, I decided the only way to go from there was up. It's still a process of course, but I realized I have a lot to live for. I'm a daughter, sister, friend, mom (to my dog Herman), dancer, radio host, DJ, mentor, free spirit, the list goes on. I have a purpose that probably hasn't even been revealed to me yet. So, here I go, trying to figure it out just like everyone else. Except for me, my story is here for you to experience with me. | IG @ShallahTiara

04Jan/18
Unrequited Love

Unrequited Love

Unrequited Love – A feeling, especially love, not returned or rewarded.

Have you ever found yourself in love with the idea of someone loving you, while knowing that they don’t love you back? Deadass, it’s probably one of the most damaging things we can do to ourselves. Loving someone who doesn’t love us. Unrequited love is not attractive and its most definitely not romantic. The sick part is, we don’t even realize that we’re doing it until the damage is done and we are left not recognizing ourselves when we look in the mirror.

I’ve definitely found myself in that position more times than I’d like to admit. I got to a place where I was literally begging for that love in return. In the end, it never came, at least not how I wanted it to. It was cold, it was forced, and it wasn’t authentic. I had to come to the realization that loving someone, without being loved in return is not love. It’s worship. It’s self-destructing. You start questioning your self-worth, thinking that maybe the reason that love isn’t being returned, is you. When in fact, that’s not the case at all. Just like how we can’t help who we love and have feelings for, we also can’t help who we don’t love and don’t have feelings for. Unrequited love is a two-way street, and it’s unfair and selfish to blame the other person for not returning the love we’re giving if they simply don’t feel the same.

Unrequited LoveShould you ever find yourself in that position, which somewhere down the line you probably will because we’re humans and shit, self-preservation is key. Take that energy away from that person, and put it into yourself, or the person who actually does want to return your love. “Love yourself.” That shit sounds cheesy and cliche, but it’s true. Love yourself until you get to a place where even if someone doesn’t love you in return, you don’t blame yourself, and then once you get to that space, keep loving yourself. One mistake we often make after experiencing that unrequited love, is shutting down. We don’t wanna love anymore, we don’t wanna give love another chance, but we should be doing the opposite. Love wholeheartedly, love endlessly, and love without borders.

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03Jan/18
It Won't be Good in the Evening

It Won’t be Good in the Evening

If you see something is going bad in the morning, it won’t be good in the evening.

My grandma told me that a couple of days ago. And when she said it, I knew it was a gem. A lot of times I find myself ignoring the bad in someone or something, and making excuses for it in order to continue dealing with it, knowing damn well that I shouldn’t. And then when everything is said and done, and that shitty thing that I knew was shitty and was only going to produce more shit to hit the fan actually does, I can only be mad at myself.

The things that happen to us and around us, half of the time, are allowed by us. We see that something might not be the greatest thing, and we ignore the damning future that comes with it. When I noticed this behavior in myself I first chose to ignore it, which didn’t produce anything positive. Then I started being a little more cautious and being more aware of the company I kept and the things I got involved with. I started making different choices in regards to those things and I found that I’m pretty fucking smart when I actually think about who and what I’m giving my energy to.

It Won't be Good in the Evening

Not only am I smart AF, but I’m much happier now that I’m seeing the possible bad in a situation and moving with that energy, without questioning it.

 

At the end of the day, if something brings you bad energy from the jump, chuck it in the fuck it bucket, and keep it pushin’.

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17Dec/17
don't rush

Don’t Rush a Relationship Just Because They Want One

I’m sorry fellas, but this is another one for the ladies. I’ve been noticing a pattern in men lately where they want things their way. They have this entitled man complex where things are supposed to go how they see fit, with no concern or care for how us women want things to go. Don’t rush. Lemme explain.

Men have been coming into my life and demanding status, demanding title, and demanding exclusivity when they want it. Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting someone to take you seriously, but when it comes to a partnership, it should be done on both party’s terms. Too many times I have encountered men who believe a relationship should happen when they want it and only when they want it. They start using terms like “Ohh you put me in the friend-zone” …don’t even get me started on that one. Never in a million years did I think that because a man had feelings for me, or saw me as a prospective girlfriend, that it would HAVE to happen right away because he says so. Personally, I’ve been living my life on a need-to-have basis. A relationship is a privilege after accomplishing everything I want for myself spiritually. For me, I could not and would not be in a relationship until I am whole and happy with myself alone.

I say that to say this – ladies (men can listen too), do not let a mate push you into a relationship that you are not ready to entertain. You should deal with people how and when you want to deal with them, not the other way around. Create your own rules and your own path. Make sure whatever changes or decisions that are being made in your life are at the hands of you. And when they are, whoever wants to take part, cool. And those who wanna force you into something you don’t want, girl tell them dudes to kick rocks.

 

don't rush

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24Oct/17
As You Should Taji Mag Shallah Tiara

As You Should

I guess this one is for the ladies. I got the fellas later.

You ever find yourself not lowering your standards, but suppressing your self-worth in order to keep someone else up? Dimming your light, to keep someone else’s light bright?

I was in a situation where someone was intimidated by the fact that I loved myself, that I gassed my own head up. That I know I am a good woman, and I was well worth it. I felt like any time I would start feeling myself, they would either find a way to tear me down verbally, or be like “alright chill, that’s enough”. It’s not the fault of the other person, but rather just an eye-opener for myself to know that I was in fact too much for that person at the time. I reached a level where I enjoyed my own company, and I liked what I saw I the mirror, beyond the physical, I was happy with myself and my accomplishments. Some people don’t understand how long it took to get to that place, shit, I’m proud of myself. As I Should Be.

Ladies, do not ever let any man, or woman, make you feel like you can’t embrace the woman you are in total. If someone can’t take you loving yourself and speaking on yourself in a positive light, they should not be given the luxury of sharing your energy. You know yourself, you’re the shit and they don’t need to be taught that. Its either they get it, or get out. Do not water down the queen that you are for anyone. Chase that bag, get that degree, start that business, travel, party, influence, love, laugh. Do whatever it is that you want to do for you.

That’s another thing, don’t let people make decisions for things that impact your life. Whether it be a relationship that’s romantic or not. You have a say, you have a voice, and it should be heard and respected just as much as the other party. I’m just learning this now, but some of us women don’t know the power that we have when we love ourselves and speak positively about ourselves and our fellow queens.

When you love yourself, and the people around you, its only natural for others to gravitate towards you and reciprocate the same energy that you’re giving off. You the shit baby girl, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Don’t let anybody trivialize your worth. Big up ya’self, as you should.

As You Should Taji Mag Shallah Tiara

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04Oct/17
Don't Sweat

Don’t Sweat The Small Shit

Let’s say some shit happens between you and somebody else. I’m talking have you wanting to throw hands, or had one too many drinks while listening to ABoogie all night type shit. Because of what happened, it’s automatically considered a bad day. At the end of that day, if I was to ask you how your day was, instead of talking about all the negative stuff, ask yourself these three questions.

1. Did it take any money out of your pocket?
2. Did it take the roof from over your head?
3. Are you or anyone you know in any physical pain or danger?

If the answer to all these questions is “NO”. Then guess what, IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER. Why do we insist on being so ready to decide that it’s a bad day overall? Things happen, and the reality is, they’re going to keep happening. People my age have what, maybe a good 60-70 years left in this world? Come on, it’s unrealistic to think we can ever progress or move forward in life if we direct so much focus and energy towards the negative.

I won’t lie, I dead used to be that way. It was a really hard habit to get rid of, but I started to ask myself, do I really wanna be mad or sad, or any other negative emotion everyday? Hell no. I got tired of it, and I knew if I continued allowing myself to choose the negative, I would start doing that in everything else that I do. Whether it was dance, work, this blog, relationships… anything. I would always be negative.

It had to become part of my morning ritual to literally say out loud to myself, “I’m choosing to be happy today, and I’m going to make sure today is a good day”. Regardless of anything that happens, if it didn’t take your life, there’s no reason to sweat the small shit.

Don't Sweat

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25Sep/17
get gold, Taji Mag

Fuck Clay, Get Gold

Aight so boom, you went to pottery class because, why not? You get home and because you might be just as clumsy as I am, you drop the bowl and realize its cracked. You don’t throw it out because we don’t have money to waste and you take it down the block and have them perform Kintsurkiurio and repair it with liquid gold. Now that bowl is fire, I mean it has liquid gold in it now, so why wouldn’t it be fire. After being broken, it’s even more beautiful than it was when you bought it home.

get gold, Taji MagNow try applying that to self. We go through shit all the time. Sometimes every day, sometimes every hour, and sometimes it seems like we can’t keep it together for even a minute. But with all of these things that happen to us, we are like that bowl we made, broken, but never too far gone to the point of not being able to be repaired. I thought I was too far gone countless of times. I thought I had no more hope and no more reasons to be repaired. I figured, damn, I’m at rock bottom so often I might need to change my address. Until I realized, yo, fuck clay, get gold. The more shit I went through, I started thinking I had to be going through it for a reason. If not to help someone else around me, then to become even more fire than I was before.

So go through it. Feel those hard times, let it get you down, let it tear you apart, hate it, love it, because when you come out of that shit, a survivor, a warrior, a beautiful/handsome ass piece of golden structure, you’re gonna be proud of that struggle. In my hardest times, I always had people telling me that my feelings and tribulations would pass. Honestly, I thought they were full of shit. BUT, they were right. It doesn’t go away because whatever happened, happened. But at all times you have to remember that bowl. The more you drop it, and get it fixed; the more you go through and make it out, the more gold you become. Keep your head up Shorty. Fuck Clay, Get Gold.

Kintsurkiurio – to repair with gold; the art of repairing pottery with golden lacquer understanding that the piece is more beautiful having been broken.

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